"We are being judged by a new yardstick. It’s not how smart you are but how you are smart! The technical skills or the business expertise that so often propelled people to the top are not the abilities that make you effective in inspiring people, in guiding people, in coaching people, in developing people, in motivating people."
Danies Goleman, 1995, Emotional Intelligence
Emotion is a mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes. Emotional Intelligence is intelligence regarding the emotions, especially in the ability to monitor one’s own or others’ emotions.
Emotional Intelligence is not about being nice all the time, but being honest; not about being touchy-feely (sentimental), but being aware of feelings, yours and other people’s; not about being emotional, but being smart with your emotions.
According to the pioneer in the field, John Mayer and Peter Salovey, emotional intelligence is a type of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and other emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use the information to guide one’s thinking and actions.
More simply, emotional intelligence is knowing how we and others feel, learning to manage our emotions rather than letting them to control us.
Emotions are not good or bad. Emotions are information.
How do we learn to raise our level of emotional intelligence?
According to Peter Salovey, many aspects of emotional intelligence involve skills, skills that we need to practice, skills that only become automatic through practice. And that takes time. It’s an on-going process.
5 Competencies of Emotional Intelligence
Self-awareness
Self-awareness is the foundation that support all of the other emotional intelligence competencies. It is knowing what drives us and what we’re passionate about. Self-awareness is about knowing where we are now and where we want to go. The major tip of self-awareness is to learn to tune-in (to make or become aware or responsive) to our emotions.
While the first step is to listen and learn from our gut feelings, the second step is to regulate those feelings and manage them so they do more good than harm.
Self-regulation
Self-regulation / self-control is all about checking those emotions – whether we need to temper our feelings. It comes from recognising our emotions and moderating the response. It helps us to act intentionally rather than reactively.
Tips on self-regulation including:
- Accept responsibility for choosing our own emotional responses.
- Learn to “reframe” stressful situations into ones that are challenging.
- Be aware of, and learn to manage our own emotional “triggers”.
Once we are aware of our feelings and have learned the ways to manage them, the third step is to direct the power of our emotions towards a purpose which will motivate and inspire us.
Self-motivation
People who are low in self-motivation will have a hard time to commit / following through. They would rather avoid.
People who are high in self-motivation can visualise achieving a goal as they are able to understand and take necessary steps to get there. They have learned to use their emotions as a positive driving force. They realise that every job has its less enjoyable elements, but they plow ahead. They accept change and are more flexible. They have better attitudes, take more initiative and do balanced risk taking.
Tips on self-motivation including:
- Recognise that emotions affect performance.
- Identify your “explanatory style” – ask “what can I fix”, instead of “what’s wrong is me?”.
Once we have become more honest and intentional with our emotions, it is time to look outward. Emotional intelligence is both tuning into our own feelings and tuning into the feelings of those around us. It means responding to others appropriately, with sensitivity and compassion.
Empathy
Empathy means being able to see from another person’s perspective. We should try to understand where those feelings come from, but we are not responsible for them. It begins with listening. Someone who is empathetic listens and responds, and can’t help but display sensitivity and concern. This makes a connection with people. Individuals who lack empathy are more focused on their needs and pay little or no attention to anyone else. No connection is made.
Empathy is the glue that will bond the group together to work successfully.
Tips on empathy including:
- Recognising and responding appropriately to the emotions of others.
- By expressing empathy, you also create empathy in others.
- Realise that emotions impact such measurable goals as productivity and safety.
Mastering the abilities of self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation and empathy pave the way for attaining a greater skill in effective relationships.
Effective Relationships
It is about interacting with people successfully and being adept at managing emotions in others.
The greatest pay-off for leaders who are good at effective relationships is becoming the kind of boss people want to work for. Key staffs will leave if they are unhappy.
Tips on effective relationship including:
- Employ all our emotional competencies – awareness, regulations, motivation and empathy to influence and persuade others.
- Build consensus and support for team goals.
- Motivate and inspire yourself and others to achieve those goals.
