How to Deal with Difficult People - Passive-aggressive Behavior
Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to following authoritative instructions in interpersonal or occupational situations. It can manifest itself as stubbornness, procrastination, or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is assumed, often explicitly, to be responsible. It is a defense mechanism and, more often than not, only partly conscious. (Source: Wikipedia)
People who tend to be passive-aggressive are not typically open to receive suggestions for how to do things. When a passive-aggressive person is given a suggestion or an alternative way to do something, they will generally avoid doing the task in that way out of spite for the person who gives the suggestion. Oftentimes, passive-aggressive people will resent people who offer advice and suggestions. Even if somebody offers another way, they will resist it despite the fact that it might be a better option.
Passive-aggressive people also have a unique way of interacting with others. They may seem excessively paranoid or overly sensitive about what people are saying. They might also feel that everybody "has it in for them" and nobody wants them to be happy. If they can find a way to blame others, they can shirk off the responsibility for creating their own emotions through their actions. They might be easily offended because they will take the things that people say to them and misconstrue them into a personal attack. This behavior has trained others around them to avoid communication. The passive-aggressive person will blame the lack of communication on others rather than themselves.
Dealing with a passive-aggressive person can cause you to be irritated and even angry because of their inherent stubbornness and lack of concern. The first rule for dealing with a passive-aggressive personality is to refrain from getting into a power struggle. The have had a lifetime of practice in doing this and you probably will not win this struggle. In the end, you will likely end up being frustrated and the other person will feel like they have won a battle against you.
Next, do not let the passive-aggressive person get to you. They usually know how to irritate you until you become frustrated. Once you have become irritated and frustrated, you lose any edge that you may have with them.
Then, describe their passive-aggressive behavior in a calm and rational manner. They will likely deny that and say that it is merely your perception, but putting them on the defensive will often makes them back down. Trying to see the argument from their point of view will help you debate with them with more success.
Finally, ask the passive-aggressive person how they would solve or improve the situation, instead of having somebody else makes the major decisions, and the passive-aggressive person to place the blame if something goes wrong.
